“They’re all sluts period.”



          I arrived to work at 8:30 PM sharp. A few bartenders and bouncers were already there waiting for the manager to unlock the doors. They greeted me with nods and cigarette smoke.

          “What’s up, brotha?” said a moderately deep voice behind me. “You must be Darren.”

          I turned around and saw a muscular young man with spiky brown hair worn in a tight fade. He stood about six feet tall and was one of those rare, chisel-faced, good-looking guys who could wear glasses and not look like a nerd.

          “What’s up, man?” I replied. “You Adam?”

          “Yeah,” he said and extended his hand.

          I shook it firmly and said, “Russell told me I was reporting to you tonight.”

          The critical eyes of the bouncer measured my stature and he nodded in satisfaction.

          “Good,” he said. “I’m glad Russell brought in somebody with some size. The last little shit he hired didn’t last long.”

          We were approached by a blonde-haired young man who shared an obvious family resemblance to Adam. He had freckles, muscles, and a big pearly white smile. Like me and all the other male employees, he wore black slacks and a black polo with a LNL logo on the left side of his chest.

          Adam gave the young man a nod. “This is my brother Brandon. He’ll show you the ropes tonight. If you have any questions he can’t answer, come find me.”

          “Cool. Thanks, man.”

          Adam walked past me to greet the other employees and I shifted my attention to his brother.

          “What’s going on?” Brandon asked. “It’s Darren, right?”

          We shook hands and I could immediately tell he was the type of guy who was always in a good mood.

          “Yeah, dude,” I replied. “I appreciate you showing me around.”

          Bandon shrugged. “No problem. You’re gonna love this job. We basically get paid to stare at sluts all night long.”

          I grinned. “Sounds great.”

          He flashed me his pearly whites. “There’s no better place to work in a college town. We check out women, we break up fights, and we watch people make idiots of themselves.”

          “So what do we do first?”

          “Easy, man. We set shit up.”

          For the next half hour, Brandon and I with the help of several other bouncers performed a variety of preparatory duties like setting up tables with ashtrays and assembling DJ equipment on the multiple dance floors. As we worked, a team of barbacks and bartenders were busy setting up the many different bars of the nightclub. LATE NIGHT LIBRARY was an impressive establishment that boasted nine bars, three dance floors, a large patio, and a deck. Most of the rooms were dimly lit except for the main dance floor which was illuminated by dazzling lights that whirled through the darkness. Glitter balls hung from the ceiling and neon signs for Bacardi, Budweiser, and Crown Royal were mounted on the walls. It was a cool-looking club.

          When our preparatory duties were complete, I gathered outside the front entrance with Brandon and two upperclassman bouncers named Seth and Kyle. Seth was a tall and muscular pretty boy with broad shoulders and dirty blonde hair. Kyle was about the same height and build as Seth. He did not share his roommate’s golden looks, but he had a laidback personality that made him easy to like and made you want him to like you.

          “Dude, I’m telling you,” Kyle said with a grin, “Daphne is a little fucking slut.”

          Seth snorted. “They’re all sluts if you get them drunk enough.”

          “They’re all sluts period,” Brandon chuckled. “Alcohol just gives them an excuse to act how they really want to act.”

          Kyle nodded. “Yup. Alcohol doesn’t create what’s not there. It just gets rid of the inhibitions.”

           I smiled at the commentary. They sounded just like my boys. I guess we all spoke the same language—asshole.

Four hot girls approached the entrance and I tried to guess which one was Daphne. It didn’t really matter because they all looked the same—sexy blondes decked out in short skirts, high heels, and thick makeup.

“Hey, Kyle,” the first blonde said. “Hey, Brandon.”

“Hey, Shelly,” Kyle replied and his gaze shifted to a blonde with a nice fake rack. “How you doing, Daphne?”

She smiled. “I told you we were coming up here.”

“You’re on my guest list. Just tell the door girl Daphne plus three.”

“Thanks, hun,” she said.

I noticed the shortest of the four blondes was staring at Seth. He, in turn, was staring at Daphne’s fake tits.

Kyle banded the girls for twenty-one and they entered the nightclub. As they walked by us, the blonde was still staring Seth down like she wanted to eat him alive.

“Damn, Seth,” Brandon laughed, “that one girl was eyeballing you hard.”

Seth nodded. “I tapped that last year. Her name is Terri, I think.”

“You think?” Alex chuckled. “Weren’t you like the first guy she fucked in Tally?”

“That’s what she told me, but she could’ve been lying. She lies about everything. Even her best friends complain about that shit.”

“Was she a good fuck?”

“I don’t know,” answered the golden blonde bouncer with a shrug. “I banged her twice and was wasted as hell both times.”

“And you don’t remember anything?” Brandon asked.

He chuckled. “Yeah, she was tight as hell the first time, and then when I fucked her in Key West six months later, she was looser than a Tijuana whore.”

Alex grinned. “Key West, Spring Break. I crushed mad bitches down there.”

“I love FSU girls at the Keys,” Brandon said. “They’re all Tijuana whores on Duval Street.”

A pair of luxury cars pulled into the front parking lot and slowly came to a stop. Rap music thumped from one and techno blasted from the other. Doors opened up and fratboys stepped out with laughter. They were all dressed in designer jeans, untucked button-downs, and polos.

          “Aren’t those some of our pledges?” Seth asked.

          “Yeah,” Kyle replied. “I told them I’d band them for twenty-one if they came up here early.”

          “Dude, I haven’t met any of these kids yet. I haven’t been to the house in weeks.”

          Kyle shrugged. “Most of them are cool.”

          The preppy group of young men approached us and I watched them with interest. They were in Alpha, a fraternity with a much better social reputation than mine which gave them superior status in the Greek world. Normally this would have irked me, but I was now a bouncer working at a nightclub and this had its own special status. I was also smugly confident that I could kick the shit out of all of them.

          “What’s up, Kyle?” asked one of the Alpha pledges.

          “What’s going on, Kyle?” said another.

          “Sup, boys,” replied the bouncer with a smile. “Let me see them IDs.”

          Kyle pretended to check their IDs and gave all of the underage young men 21 and up wristbands. When they entered the nightclub, Seth started laughing.

          “Who was that kid in the white polo?” he asked.

          “Kirby’s little brother,” Kyle answered.

          “He looks like a rodent.”

          “He’s a legacy.”

          “Fuck legacies. That kid should be blackballed.”

          “Kirby won’t let it happen.”

          “Dude, I’ll dick slap Kirby in the face. I’m still pissed at that motherfucker for puking in my car.”

          Kyle chuckled. “Yeah, well…I bet he’s still pissed at you for fucking his ex-girlfriend.”

          “Bro, I already told you. I didn’t know who she was.”

          “You think that matters to him?”

          Brandon snorted. “Do you really think her ex-girlfriend status would’ve mattered to Seth?”

The bouncers all laughed and I shifted my gaze to the parking lot. A lone employee was standing in the street, armed with a flashlight wand.

           “Be glad you’re not out there,” Brandon said. “Most bouncers have to direct traffic their first night, but I think Russell hired that kid to do this for a couple weeks before he starts training as a barback.”

          “What time does it start getting busy here?” I asked.

          Brandon shrugged. “It’ll be slow until eleven because everybody pre-parties to save money.”

          Kyle snorted. “Yeah, and all the underage drinkers want to get drunk before coming here because your brother is a fucking Nazi at the door.”

          Brandon chuckled, but Seth shook his head and said, “Nah, man, everybody pre-parties because it ain’t cool to show up anywhere before eleven o’clock in this fucking town.”

          We all grunted in agreement. Tallahassee definitely had a fashionably late crowd. Only clueless freshmen showed up early to places like they still had curfews to worry about.

          “So what do we do until then?” I asked.

          Kyle held out his hands. “This, bro. If Russell ain’t here yet, we just chill. But as soon as he shows up, we get the fuck inside.”

          Seth changed his voice to do what I suspected was an accurate impersonation of my new boss.

          “People who drive by the club and see employees hanging out front will keep driving because they’ll think LATE NIGHT LIBRARY is having a slow night and they’re better off going somewhere else.”

          The two other bouncers laughed which encouraged Seth to continue with the impersonation.

          “I want you to remember that you’re liaisons of this club wherever you go. How you act in public reflects on LATE NIGHT LIBRARY. And remember, you’re all club promoters because your friends come here to see you.”

          Brandon and Kyle laughed again and I cracked a smile.

          “Russell’s right though,” Seth said. “That’s why every slut who works here is hot as hell and that’s why every guy who works here can pull ass. People come here to see us.”

          Kyle nodded. “That’s also why Russell hires a lot of Greeks, because he knows we know more people.” He glanced at me. “You’re in a fraternity, aren’t you?”

          “Yeah…Upsilon. I’m also in ROTC.”   

          “You see? Russell hires people whose affiliations on campus bring more people to the club.”

          “Just watch,” Seth said to me. “A lot more of your boys will come here now just because you can hook them up with shit like wristbands and free entry.”

Kyle continued, “And other kids you know will start coming here just because they feel cool knowing somebody who works here.”

          “Yup,” Seth agreed. “It makes them feel like they belong…like they’re part of the in-crowd or something.”

          “That makes sense,” I said.

          As Kyle and Seth continued to talk, I watched them with a growing degree of respect. They seemed completely confident with themselves and The Scene and they seemed so much more imposing than the older brothers of my fraternity. I tried to imagine what their social lives were like as stud bouncers and brothers of one of the most popular fraternities on campus that pulled all the hot sorority girls. The more I saw of the high status lifestyle, the more I craved it for myself.

          Our conversation quieted down as three young women approached the entrance. A redhead with a busted face and a hot body; a pretty blonde with a nice set of fake tits and a sloppy ass; and a brunette with a cute face, no tits, and a perky ass she was showing off in tight jeans. Kyle checked their IDs and gave all of the girls wristbands.

          “Hi, Seth,” the blonde said with a smile.

          “Hey, Tracy,” he replied. “How’ve you been?”

“Good. Come find me later. I have something funny to tell you.”

“You can’t tell me now?”

“Nope,” she giggled. “Find me later.”

When the girls walked inside, Seth turned to me and said, “That girl has a clit ring. She’ll fuck you and a friend.”

          My eyebrows arched. “Yeah?”

          “Yeah, dude. I double-teamed her with my boy this summer.”


          “She looked a lot better too. She didn’t have the tits, but her body was all toned up.”

          Kyle shook his head. “I don’t know why Tracy got tits. She already had a decent rack and they would’ve gotten bigger with that extra poundage she’s packing.”

          Brandon chuckled. “That’s probably why she’s put on the extra pounds. She thinks she can get lazy on the treadmill now that’s she’s flexing silicone.”

          Two attractive blondes approached us next. The first was wearing low-cut jeans and she gave us a friendly smile. Her companion wore stiletto heels and a short skirt and she seemed to be walking with her nose in the air.

          “Hey, Seth,” the first blonde said. “Hi, Kyle.”

          Seth nodded. “Hey, Amanda.”

          Kyle lazily scanned their driver’s licenses and gave them both wristbands. As they entered the club, my gaze followed them closely.

          “What’d you think of them?” Seth asked me.

          “Hot,” I replied.

          Brandon grinned. “I wanted to fishhook those butt crack jeans and yank her back out here.”

          “Amanda is a cool chick,” Seth said. “She smokes some serious weed. But that other girl is a Phi. All of those girls walk around like their shit don’t stink and that bitch is probably the worst.”

          “She definitely had an attitude,” I agreed.

          Seth’s lip curled. “She’s a little fucking cunt.”

“Tell us how you really feel,” Brandon laughed.

“I’m serious. She’s the kind of girl you want to fuck just so you can say: Game over, bitch. I won.

          “That bartender Heath banged her,” Kyle said. “He said she wouldn’t even touch his cock and just laid there when he fucked her.”

          Brandon frowned. “It’s such a fucking letdown when a hot chick sucks in bed.”

          Seth shrugged. “I wouldn’t give a shit with her. As long as she didn’t get in my way, she could just lay there, look pretty, and get fucked.”

          We all laughed. Assholes indeed.

It was quiet for a few seconds and then Brandon looked at me and said, “Every girl.”


          “Every hot girl that walks through those doors, one of the guys who works here has banged or will bang that night. We got the dirt on all of them.”

          I grinned. “Listening to you guys talk is like reading the notations you’d find in a player’s little black book.”

          Seth laughed. “That’s exactly what it is, dude. Working here is a tits-and-ass information pipeline.”

          “Yup,” Brandon agreed. “And if you work here long enough, every girl you know will be ruined by the things you hear about her.”

          Kyle was watching the parking lot. “Yo, there goes Tyson,” he remarked.

          I looked and saw a tall meathead walking towards us with a platinum blonde flat-top.

          The Terminator,” Seth said in a robotic voice.

          “Is that his nickname?” I asked.

          “Yeah, the guy is a fucking cyborg. He barely says a word and never shows emotion.”

          Kyle chuckled. “Except when he’s slamming some dude’s head into the wall.”

          Seth grinned. “Yeah, except when he does that.”

          Tyson gave us a tough guy head nod as he approached. He was a big kid with a hardened triangular face that was handsome in that unique, fashion model kind of way.

          “What’s up, brotha?” Brandon asked him.

          “Nothing,” he grunted.

          Seth nodded to me. “This is Darren.”

          “What’s going on?” I asked and extended my hand.

          Tyson shook it, but did not reply.

          “Damn, Tyson,” Kyle said, “you look bigger again.”

          The silent meathead shrugged.

          “Must be the D-bol,” Seth said with a chuckle. “Are you still putting magic pink pentagons on your pizza?”

          Tyson’s face darkened. “I don’t touch that stuff.”

          “Really?” Seth grinned. “You don’t know what you’re missing, kid!”

          Tyson shrugged and did not reply.

          “Oh shit!” Brandon suddenly exclaimed. “Is that a black Escalade?”

          “Russell!” Kyle hissed. “Get inside!”

          Our boss pulled into the lot and we scattered like mice.

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